Download The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade, by Ann Fessler
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The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade, by Ann Fessler
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From Publishers Weekly
Nobody ever asked me if I wanted to keep the baby," says Joyce, in a story typical of the birth mothers, mostly white and middle-class, who vent here about being forced to give up their babies for adoption from the 1950s through the early '70s. They recall callous parents obsessed with what their neighbors would say; maternity homes run by unfeeling nuns who sowed the seeds of lifelong guilt and shame; and social workers who treated unwed mothers like incubators for married couples. More than one birth mother was emotionally paralyzed until she finally met the child she'd relinquished years earlier. In these pages, which are sure to provoke controversy among adoptive parents, birth mothers repeatedly insist that their babies were unwanted by society, not by them. Fessler, a photography professor at the Rhode Island School of Design, is an adoptee whose birth mother confessed that she had given her away even though her fiancé, who wasn't Fessler's father, was willing to raise her. Although at times rambling and self-pitying, these knowing oral histories are an emotional boon for birth mothers and adoptees struggling to make sense of troubled pasts. (May 8) Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
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From Bookmarks Magazine
Perhaps it's no surprise that this story has gone untold for so long, considering the personal nature of the subject and the moral dilemma heaped upon the young women who gave their babies up for adoption. What is astonishing is that Fessler, a photographer and video installation artist writing her debut book, manages to tell this compelling story with a perfectly honed sense of restraint and respect. She handles the large volume of source material nimbly, letting each individual story breathe. The only complaint is that her research method—using a self-selected group—isn't up to snuff for academic rigor. In the face of such glowing critical praise, that lone complaint seems, well, a little academic.Copyright © 2004 Phillips & Nelson Media, Inc.
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Product details
Hardcover: 368 pages
Publisher: Penguin Press HC, The; First Edition edition (May 4, 2006)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1594200947
ISBN-13: 978-1594200946
Product Dimensions:
6.3 x 1.2 x 9.5 inches
Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.7 out of 5 stars
363 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#413,902 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
This book was recommended to me by a friend who is an adoptee when my older sister located me through a genealogy DNA test. My family had no idea she even existed, and as my mother passed years ago, there was no way to get answers.Why would this woman, a wonderful, loving, mother, give a child away and not tell us? What happened that she would take a secret like that to the grave? How could her family not have any idea? This book explained exactly why, how, and what was happening in our society in 1964, when my mother signed away her rights to her firstborn child.It also gave me an insight into why my mother was the way she was. Why she insisted my little sister and I use birth control, going so far as to take us to the doctor for the pill, at a time when it was NOT the thing parents were doing. Why she had a yearly cycle of depression centered around the time that we now know is our older sister’s birthday. Why she never told my father, who she met not long after she gave that baby up. And other pieces, bits of information and things she said that didn’t seem that strange at the time, but looking back meant something so very different and helped put together a puzzle we never knew was there.I’m not known for being overly emotional about things, but this was very difficult for me to read, even knowing in advance the kind of societal pressures on single women of that era. I kept having to walk away for a while after reading this chapter or that story, because it was bringing everything too close for me to handle. My mother was one of these women, and although I knew she’d had an abusive childhood, I had no inkling that she had suffered this injustice as well.Even if you aren’t connected to anyone who may have been touched by this shameful era of our history, this book is a great opportunity to learn the reasons why women’s rights continues to be such an important movement, even today. We can’t let these kinds of things continue to happen 50 or even 60 years later.
I never thought a lot about my own adoption. I was always told that she couldn't take care of me and that's why I was put up for adoption to be placed with a better family. We only spoke about it a few times, and it was taboo bringing up the subject. After reading the book I was able to feel compassion for my birth mother and it opened my eyes how society played a big role in the decision. I was absolutely shocked at 50 years old. I never realized how badly young women were treated and especially out of wedlock. The author was also adopted and was very insightful. For the first time in my life, I can honestly say I don't feel bad about being adopted anymore.
I have been searching for my birth family since I was 18, over 30 years. Finally having an inter-mediator find my birth mother this last week, my birth mother was shocked that I wanted contact with her, she never told her spouse or other children. So the inter-mediator suggested that she read this book. So I decided to read it also. Wow, was I enlightened. Being one of 4 adopted, we always knew we were adopted. I always wondered through the years why she never tried to find me or why she even gave me up.This book really helped me understand it from her perspective.It is a must read!
I am of the generation affected, I remember girls who went away. The ones I knew seemed far different after they returned to school. And the rumors always went around anyways. I guess the girl's parents always thought they were keeping everything hush-hush. Yet sometimes the girl herself would return to school and tell her close friends where she had actually been. And of course, those friends told other friends, and those friends told... Sometimes the boy involved would leave school also. Especially if he or his parents didn't want him to be pressured into a quickie wedding.This very well written book accurately tells it like it was. The saddest part of all of it is that there still remain children and birth parents who have never met. I had a good friend who was a victim of this. And I say victim because I believe far too many of the children grew up with an internal feeling of having been abandoned - no matter how wonderful the adoptive parents were. Plus the unfortunate reality of life is that all adoptive parents are not wonderful, any more than all birth parents are wonderful.This is a worthwhile read for anyone who wants to get a clear picture of what the world was like for women pre "Women's lib".
I was one if those girls back in 1965. For decades I didn't talk about my "past" because I couldn't get over the "shame" of what I did and the horrible sense of loss I felt. I didn't know anyone who would understand what it was like until I read this book. It validated everything I had experienced. Fourteen years ago I was able to meet the son I had never seen or touched. He was 33 years old.I had tried to explain what the times were like in 1965/1966 to my son (as well as to my other adult daughter and son) but it was difficult for them to comprehend. The times had changed a lot! When I read a review of this book in People magazine I ordered it immediately. In places I felt like I was reading my own biography. As soon as I finished reading it (in record time) I turned back to the first page and read it again...this time highlighting passages that were important to me. I gave that copy to my son & insisted that my other two children read it too. It changed everything! All of them said that at times they were brought to tears at how horrible those times were and now they could better understand what I went through. The wonderful man I had married in 1968 never once judged me and supported my desire to find my son. This book is a must read for anyone who has gone through this and still feels the shame and loss! It changed my life!! Thank-you Ann!
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